No, she didn't and Balgruuf couldn't even begin to know how much that in particular gnawed at her heart. Not because of her duty to Skyrim... but because of a private grief that lay at Ulfric's door as much as the more public one that had started the war. Because of the longed-for baby that she'd miscarried in the days after Torygg died. No one had known, she'd only told Torygg the morning he'd died. He'd been ecstatic, actually cried as he'd held her and kissed her. They'd decided to wait to make the announcement, perhaps see a priest and make sure she really was pregnant first, but Elisif was sure she had been. Then Ulfric had come and... well, she wasn't pregnant any more. She'd been so happy and by the time night had fallen she'd lost everything she cared about.
“We are not having this conversation,” she gasped, tears in her eyes as she walked away. Balgruuf cursed quietly before hurrying after her.
“Elisif, wait, I'm sorry!” Balgruuf gasped. “I didn't mean... I didn't mean to remind you of Torygg!”
“Too late,” Elisif whispered, feeling tears rolling down her face, memories of strong arms round her, kisses in the sunshine, holding hands while he held court, taking tours of Solitude and meeting the people of Haafingar, being told how lovely they looked together and that they'd be sure to have some beautiful children. All gone, all torn apart in a day of blood.
Mara, but she needed to be alone before she burst into tears. Fortunately Irileth was there hauling Balgruuf back and then Aela, thank the gods, Aela was there, taking her in her arms and holding her, letting Elisif cry on her shoulder, rubbing her back and leading her away.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“No problem, little sister,” came the reply. “Come on, let's get you back to Jorrvaskr. Kodlak will be relieved you're not dead.”
Some part of Elisif was sad she wasn't. Some part of her would have welcomed Sovngarde. But it wasn't to be, not yet. Still, Ulfric wasn't dead yet. She'd stay alive long enough to see Torygg avenged. But after that... well, let Ulfric's guards take her after that. She'd meet death with open arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Torvar and Athis were still out in Whiterun celebrating and Njada was nowhere to be seen when they got back to Jorrvaskr. The Grey-Manes were clearly all still back at their house, which just left Tilma and Kodlak in the main room.
Tilma patted Elisif's hand when she saw her, smiled gently and settled her at the table next to Kodlak and poured her a mead, before leaving to get a bed put together for her. Elisif nodded gratefully, sipping her mead and wishing all of it would just go away, the blood, the death, the memories, everything.
“Well, looks like you made it, lass,” said Kodlak, patting her on the shoulder. “What of Torvar and Athis, are they...?”
“Still alive, Harbinger,” said Aela, sitting on Elisif's other side. “Out there helping to celebrate, I doubt we'll see either until morning. But it's done and we're alive and Balgruuf's still Jarl.”
Faint smile from Kodlak. “Good,” he said and he sounded like he actually meant it. “Vignar won't be pleased, he's Ulfric's through and through, but Balgruuf's a good man and a good Jarl. He has the city's interests at heart. While you won't find me celebrating an Imperial victory, I'm not displeased either. And as for you, girl, I'm very glad you're not dead. What's all this I hear about you being in the fighting?”
So then Elisif had to tell the story, and while she didn't feel she'd done anything so terribly heroic or been anything other than an average fighter at best, Kodlak actually seemed proud.
“But I hardly did anything,” Elisif protested. Kodlak just smiled.
“Maybe you weren't in the worst of it, but the fact remains you were there and you didn't die. Well done, lass. Lass? Are you all right?”
Elisif shook her head, tears rolling down her face. “No!” she cried. “No, I'm not all right, I ran away from Solitude because the Dark Brotherhood were trying to kill me, and then I get here where I was hoping I'd be safe for a bit and then I find the Stormcloaks are here and there's a battle?? Of course I'm not all right!”
Re: The Wolf Queen Awakens 9.11
“We are not having this conversation,” she gasped, tears in her eyes as she walked away. Balgruuf cursed quietly before hurrying after her.
“Elisif, wait, I'm sorry!” Balgruuf gasped. “I didn't mean... I didn't mean to remind you of Torygg!”
“Too late,” Elisif whispered, feeling tears rolling down her face, memories of strong arms round her, kisses in the sunshine, holding hands while he held court, taking tours of Solitude and meeting the people of Haafingar, being told how lovely they looked together and that they'd be sure to have some beautiful children. All gone, all torn apart in a day of blood.
Mara, but she needed to be alone before she burst into tears. Fortunately Irileth was there hauling Balgruuf back and then Aela, thank the gods, Aela was there, taking her in her arms and holding her, letting Elisif cry on her shoulder, rubbing her back and leading her away.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“No problem, little sister,” came the reply. “Come on, let's get you back to Jorrvaskr. Kodlak will be relieved you're not dead.”
Some part of Elisif was sad she wasn't. Some part of her would have welcomed Sovngarde. But it wasn't to be, not yet. Still, Ulfric wasn't dead yet. She'd stay alive long enough to see Torygg avenged. But after that... well, let Ulfric's guards take her after that. She'd meet death with open arms.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Torvar and Athis were still out in Whiterun celebrating and Njada was nowhere to be seen when they got back to Jorrvaskr. The Grey-Manes were clearly all still back at their house, which just left Tilma and Kodlak in the main room.
Tilma patted Elisif's hand when she saw her, smiled gently and settled her at the table next to Kodlak and poured her a mead, before leaving to get a bed put together for her. Elisif nodded gratefully, sipping her mead and wishing all of it would just go away, the blood, the death, the memories, everything.
“Well, looks like you made it, lass,” said Kodlak, patting her on the shoulder. “What of Torvar and Athis, are they...?”
“Still alive, Harbinger,” said Aela, sitting on Elisif's other side. “Out there helping to celebrate, I doubt we'll see either until morning. But it's done and we're alive and Balgruuf's still Jarl.”
Faint smile from Kodlak. “Good,” he said and he sounded like he actually meant it. “Vignar won't be pleased, he's Ulfric's through and through, but Balgruuf's a good man and a good Jarl. He has the city's interests at heart. While you won't find me celebrating an Imperial victory, I'm not displeased either. And as for you, girl, I'm very glad you're not dead. What's all this I hear about you being in the fighting?”
So then Elisif had to tell the story, and while she didn't feel she'd done anything so terribly heroic or been anything other than an average fighter at best, Kodlak actually seemed proud.
“But I hardly did anything,” Elisif protested. Kodlak just smiled.
“Maybe you weren't in the worst of it, but the fact remains you were there and you didn't die. Well done, lass. Lass? Are you all right?”
Elisif shook her head, tears rolling down her face. “No!” she cried. “No, I'm not all right, I ran away from Solitude because the Dark Brotherhood were trying to kill me, and then I get here where I was hoping I'd be safe for a bit and then I find the Stormcloaks are here and there's a battle?? Of course I'm not all right!”