skyrimkinkmeme (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
skyrimkinkmeme) wrote2011-10-29 12:36 pm
skyrimkinkmeme) wrote2011-10-29 12:36 pm
Meme Announcements!
ANNOUNCEMENTS: UPDATED 12/16/2017
Happy Holidays, fellow Kinkmemers! I have returned and have no reasonable excuse for my absence except LIFE. I will be working on updating the archives. If anyone sees anything amiss, please let me know.
I am also hoping to find another Mod and an Archivist.
The more dedicated people we have in this Meme the less chance of it dying. I admit that being the sole keeper of the Meme is not great for the fandom. If something were to happen to me, for good, this place would go the way of the Fallout Kink Meme. Let's not let that happen! If anyone would be interested in Modding/Archiving, please drop me a line. Thanks! <3
Re: The Curious Adventures of Lord Arundil 1b/?
(Anonymous) 2013-02-23 06:28 pm (UTC)(link)“You think the five septims you just begged off of Ashur will cover your tab?" he says, but I make little sense of his words. "The broken furniture? My daughter’s counselling fees?”
I had absolutely no idea what he was talking about, but there was no time to ponder such inanities! For suddenly, one of my nemesis’ minions had entered the Flowing Bowl, in a cunning disguise! Many of my nemesis' henchmen masqueraded as the good guards of Anvil, and it was clear to me that the bastard was intending to ruin my alchemical experiment! I dared not let that happen! What would become of the miserable itch?
“It’s a guard, sir!” Horker shouted, some few seconds late.
“Come quietly, Arundil” the minion told me, brandishing his sword. As if I feared a sword! “Then, we won’t have to tie you up like last time.”
“Have at him, Horker!” I yelled.
“Yes sir!”
Thankfully I had been clutching my rock-in-a-sock, or who knows what might have happened. Horker and I managed to fight our way to the front door and make the escape. The
guardminion followed closely behind, but it was to be expected! Fortunately the Argonian barkeep stayed behind. Well really! With such service, I hope the lizard doesn't expect me to recommend the place to my contacts.Cleverly, Horker and I led the guard all the way to the broken end of the docks. Only the most nimble of men can traverse it’s muddy waters safely, and the guard was not a nimble man! He fell, making a large splash and a gurgling sound. Good old rock-in-a-sock! Horker moved forwards as if to help the
minionguardminion from the wet, however I had the bright idea of standing on the man’s back until he stopped moving.“He’s fallen asleep sir,” Horker quietly stated, after some tense minutes of standing.
“Of course!” said I. Working for my nemesis must be tiring work!
“A strange place to fall asleep in,” Horker finished, picking up the wet rock-in-a-sock. “The sea, I mean, sir.”
“Never mind that” I snapped, senses tingling. The forces of darkness were moving in!
“Horker! The forces of darkness are moving in! Quick, search the minion and see if he’s got any money!”
So many questions left unanswered diary! So little time! For instance, is it true that if I drink six bottles of skooma and don‘t die, I’ll see the face of Akatosh? And how many harmless narcotics must Horker and I consume before the empire is safe? Will the
guardminion have any money, or will Horker and I have to go back on the game?Where will my nemesis strike again? And why don’t the Anvil tailors sell dresses in my size? Find out in the next installment of the Surprising Adventures of Lord Arundil.
The next bit is how he ended up in Skyrim. If OP didn't mind the crack/general silliness.
Re: The Curious Adventures of Lord Arundil 1b/?
(Anonymous) 2013-02-23 08:46 pm (UTC)(link)Re: The Curious Adventures of Lord Arundil 1b/?
(Anonymous) 2013-02-23 11:12 pm (UTC)(link)Re: The Curious Adventures of Lord Arundil 1b/?
(Anonymous) 2013-02-24 09:32 pm (UTC)(link)This is a thing of beauty, please continue.
Re: The Curious Adventures of Lord Arundil 2/?
(Anonymous) 2013-02-28 08:36 pm (UTC)(link)In a place of danger, intrigue and civil unrest, where Skooma is cheaper than blood! In a time where the Pimples of Corruption have ravaged the Shiny Adolescent face of the Empire; who will be there to apply the ointments of Truth and Justice and wipe out the Acne of Deceit?
That's right. The Curious Adventure of Lord
Aldil...Alinidil... Alan?Diary.
[indecipherable] ...could provoke such randy goblins?
But that has nothing do with anything. I awoke this morning with a strange rash on my thigh and a very fuzzy recollection of the night before. Rock-in-a-sock had pissed off somewhere. Probably to another fellow tramp in desperate need of a diversion. It's like a Daedric Weapon that rock-in-a-sock. Always off finding a new champion.
Last night contained something about a minion and a failed experiment, if Horker is to believed. Never fear, I do not think my Nemesis could have gotten to Horker yet! After all my companion posesses a memory and cunning that is quite impressive for a Nord, but that isn't saying very much! The sun was high in the sky, and the calling of the gulls were perfectly melodious to my ears. There was a funny smell in the air, which I quickly realised wasn't because of Horker's proclivity to flatulence but because of the dead minion from the evening previous
"Quickly Horker," said I. "Hide the evidence. We can't have my nemesis knowing we've taken down one of his top agents!"
Horker quickly stuffed the body under some rotting driftwood, with only his feet sticking out. It was then, I noticed that the
guardminion wore a rather fetching pair of boots. In this day and age, boots such as those are very hard to come by! I said to myself."We should confiscate these," I explained, tugging them off. They were a perfect fit for Horker's feet! Fate's fair hand perhaps?
Horker and I took a pleasurable stroll along Anvil's docks to the Fo'c'sle; a nautical club where I used to work for some months, before an unfortunate incident with a nail and my under-things forced me to leave. Horker is in high spirits because of his dashing new boots, but I managed to convince him to continue our delightful turn about the waterfront behind the buildings where a guard was far less likely to stop us, and be prompted to ask questions.
Luckily, I knew of a cunning entrance at the back of the Fo'c'sle where smugglers went in and things best-left-unsaid went out! It was a bit of a struggle fitting Horker in through the secret entrance, but we managed quickly enough. Madame Monet was expecting us in the bar, with one arched eyebrow.
"Stendarr's balls!" she swore, and threw a glass at her husband. "Erik, I told you to fix the lav window!" Then she turned her fierce gaze upon us. "You came in through the lav window, didn't you Arundil? You little cockroach. Or have you found another gap to squeeze through?"
Such a sweet girl. I tell her as much, and she goes red: am I not the most charming of gentle-mers?
"You can take your dirty words and shove them up your crackpot arsehole," says Madame Monet, but I know in her heart of hearts she understands that I am crucial to Tamriel's survival. "Stay in here, if you want. But keep an eye on those Khajiti sailors over there. I won't have you in here without gaining somethin' from it."
Horker and Madame Monet spat in the face of my nemesis! Huzzah!
"You Madame, shall be heralded as the great Helper of the Savior's of Tamriel," I told her. "Write to the Emperor for full remuneration," and then I plucked an ale from the counter. It was piss-swill compared to the finer narcotics that Anvil had to offer, but it was something!
"I heard a guard disappeared last night," said Erik. "You see anything, Arundil?"
"As if I would murder!" I replied, scandalised. "Could I ever? Would I ever?" And I'll have you know, I certainly
would!Wouldn't!Re: The Curious Adventures of Lord Arundil 2b/?
(Anonymous) 2013-02-28 08:39 pm (UTC)(link)I felt the stirrings of fate when one of them signaled me over with a gingery paw. And who was I to deny Fate's stirrings, when she so graciously handed Horker a splendid pair of boots just this morning?!
"I like this one," the Khajit stated in sly tones, when I arrived with Horker in tow. "It looks like it will do very much for very little, no?"
"Three bottles of skooma, and we're yours for the night," I told him. The minion hadn't had very much money on him that morning, and Horker and I had already made our decisions to go back on the game. The Khajit pushed something bright and smelly into my hands: a drink of some kind. Down the hatch! Huzzah! And so the night went on!
But nothing has been resolved diary! And I remain as discombobulated as ever! Are these honorable Khajit, fellow members of the resistance against my nemesis? (bastard.) And why does the fuzzy one purr when I compliment his whiskers? Why am I seeing two of everything? And what's this talk of caravans?
And who's this Skyrim chap, the Khajit are going on about anyway?
And why is everything going black?!
advice from Arundil:
if it's a free drink, who cares if the giver is smelly/crazy-eyed/a little bit rapey-looking?Drink responsibly.Re: The Curious Adventures of Lord Arundil 2b/?
(Anonymous) 2013-03-01 09:44 pm (UTC)(link)