skyrimkinkmeme | Meme Announcements!

Meme Announcements!

ANNOUNCEMENTS: UPDATED 12/16/2017

Happy Holidays, fellow Kinkmemers! I have returned and have no reasonable excuse for my absence except LIFE. I will be working on updating the archives. If anyone sees anything amiss, please let me know.

I am also hoping to find another Mod and an Archivist.

The more dedicated people we have in this Meme the less chance of it dying. I admit that being the sole keeper of the Meme is not great for the fandom. If something were to happen to me, for good, this place would go the way of the Fallout Kink Meme. Let's not let that happen! If anyone would be interested in Modding/Archiving, please drop me a line. Thanks! <3

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“Captain Aldis!”

Aldis looked up, feeling both surprise and a hint of dread. Of all the people he'd expected to see or hear from today, Jarl Elisif in person wasn't one of them. Hadn't she just gone on some trip inspecting her Hold without even a housecarl for company? Mainly because the last housecarl that had gone out travelling with her had been killed by Stormcloaks, and Elisif had been dead set on no one else dying because of her ever again. Apparently she might have changed her mind.

“Jarl, this is a surprise. What can I do for you?”

“I need men,” Elisif said without any preamble. “Any you can spare. We've got a problem.”

Well yes, Skyrim had problems all over, but he couldn't just send men out after the Jarl without a bit of planning, not to mention the General's likely reaction.

“Jarl, we're very stretched thin because of the war, especially after you asked me to send extra men to Dragon Bridge...”

“Well call them back,” Elisif snapped. “I sorted out the problem at Wolfskull Cave, we don't need them guarding the town any more. We've got another problem. There's a necromancer at Kilkreath Ruins, desecrating the bodies of Skyrim's war dead and harvesting their souls to build an army. I'm going in there and I'm going to stop him, but I need soldiers, captain! So I need every true-hearted soldier in the Haafingar Guard who's capable of wielding a blade and...”

The soldiers who'd been practising out in the yard had all put down their weapons, turning to listen to their Jarl who everybody now knew was Dragonborn, and they'd all gone pale at the idea of Nord war dead being cheated of Sovngarde by some necromancer.

“We're with you, Jarl!” one cried.

“Ready when you are, Dragonborn!” shouted another.

“We'll teach him to mess with Nords!” called a third. By this time, an entire group had gathered, all waving their swords in the air and shouting approval of this plan, and Aldis realised that if he didn't take charge of this situation, they'd all be following Elisif out of Solitude wherever she led them.

Of course, Aldis was also a true Nord himself and the idea of some necromancer right here in Haafingar keeping his people from Sovngarde... no. So seeing as the Jarl herself was giving the orders...

“All right soldiers, gather your weapons,” Aldis roared. “We move in fifteen, go!”

Elisif watched them all mustering with commendable efficiency, turning to Erandur in amazement.

“They did it!” she whispered. “You were right! They're doing what I tell them, look!”

“See?” said Erandur, patting her shoulder and grinning. “It's all in the voice, Elisif. You just have to stay firm and sound like you know what you're talking about. And honestly, you've probably seen more necromancers than they have by this point.”

This was true, and Elisif still shuddered to think of what she'd seen going on in Wolfskull Cave and Vaermina's Temple. No more of this. She wasn't exactly a Meridia worshipper per se... but dealing with people who interfered with the natural order of life and death and stopped Nords who'd fought hard going to Sovngarde? That she was quite happy to do.

~~~~~~~~~~

“What in the name of the Eight were you thinking?” Tullius shouted across the Blue Palace's throne room. Two days since she'd got back from Kilkreath telling stories of necromancers and corpse desecration and commandeering a squad of troops to investigate, and the Legion were still clearing up the mess. There must have been about fifty bodies in there from both sides, all so badly mangled that it was likely they'd never be identified, and Styrr was still busy reconsecrating them and giving them an honourable burial in the Hall of the Dead. There was already talk of a memorial being erected at Kilkreath itself to those butchered by Malkoran. It was all very public-spirited, but Tullius was about ready to wring Elisif's neck.

“General, he was harvesting souls and desecrating bodies, he had a whole troop of corrupted shades at his command!” Elisif protested from her throne. “I can hardly let that go unchecked, not in my own Hold!”

A valid point, it had to be said, and the necromancer activity had turned out to be quite genuine in the end, but nevertheless there was a point to be made here. Especially since Tullius had started getting reports of wilder tales of the gods sweeping Elisif up into the heavens afterwards and anointing her with a Divine mission to sweep out corruption and gifting her with a golden sword of fire to do it with. Said sword was at Elisif's side right now, actually glowing, and the young Jarl looked apologetic but not actually remorseful.

“Yes, yes, Elisif, I agree you need to maintain order in your Hold, I accept that,” Tullius sighed. “And yes, in this case, I agree you needed troops to help you, this Malkoran sounded like a dangerous man. But Lady Elisif, you can't just start commandeering troops when you feel like it. There's forms to complete, a process to follow...”

“And in the mean time, my people die?” Elisif snapped. “Look General, I'm very sorry for the short notice, but I needed those troops and...”

“They're Legion soldiers!” Tullius snapped back. “You are not part of the Legion!”

“No, I'm the bloody Jarl!” Elisif shouted, getting up. “And I'm going to be High Queen and you'd do well to remember that, General!”

“When Ulfric and his rebellion have been put down, yes!” Tullius hit back. “Not before! And whose troops are you relying on to do that for you, Elisif? Are you capable of raising your own army to fight Ulfric?”

Elisif said nothing, glaring at him, mouth set in a thin line as she folded her arms. When she finally did speak, her voice was cold and authoritative in a way he really wasn't used to hearing from her.

“The way I hear it, General, ever since I found out I was Dragonborn, half your army is composed of recruits who joined because they're ready to give their lives for a Dragonborn Queen who's clearly been picked by the gods themselves in their eyes. Maybe the Legion swears its loyalty to the Emperor, but there's an awful lot of Nords in that Legion who'd follow me to Oblivion and back. Don't you ever forget that, General.”

How could he? These days it seemed every other recruit was a wide-eyed Nord there to avenge the true High Queen, the Chosen of Akatosh. On the one hand, the extra recruits were good to have, as was the public relations victory – winning the hearts and minds of Skyrim's people would be key to this war and having their High Queen turn out to be this Dragonborn was proving useful. On the other hand, ever since she'd got back from her trip to these Greybeards she'd been... different. Less biddable. Unpredictable. Out of control. Liable to upset all Tullius' carefully laid plans. This could have the potential to make life very very difficult for them all.

“No, Elisif, I quite understand, many Nords want you as Queen, and I do appreciate that, I really do,” Tullius sighed. “But if Ulfric had attacked and half our troops had been off with you down some cave or other, the city could have been in trouble, couldn't it?”

Elisif did look away then, conceding that point at least. “Yes, General,” she sighed. “I suppose you're right.”

“Good,” said Tullius, not entirely convinced there weren't going to be any other incidents but he supposed this was the best he was going to get. “Don't get me wrong, Jarl, I absolutely agree that you need to keep order in your Hold, and I don't even think what you did was so wrong in itself. Only we have a war to fight and I need those soldiers. So next time you need to go on some crusade, you talk to me first and I'll see what we've got available. Is that agreeable to you, Jarl Elisif?”

“Yes, General,” Elisif said softly, lowering her eyes. Tullius nodded, deciding this conversation was finished and took his leave.

Elisif watched him go, calm enough on the outside, but inside she was seething. Stupid little man with his petty little problems... she was a damn Dragonborn! She could take Ulfric, she was sure of it, one strike with Dawnbreaker and a swipe with her axe and the entire war would be over. Of course, that would first mean getting into Windhelm and past all his soldiers, and then there'd be the little matter of getting out alive afterwards. She wouldn't be able to manage that without an army behind her and who else's did she have? Just the Legion.

Of course, if she did kill Ulfric and then get killed by his men in revenge, at least she'd get to go to Sovngarde and be with Torygg again. That wouldn't be a bad thing either, in fact there was a part of her hoping it could be so.

But not just yet. For now her people needed her. More to the point, she'd had a letter from the Thalmor Embassy, an invitation to Elenwen's next party. Elisif steeled herself for it. This party was not going to be an easy one.

~~~~~~~~~~~~

A/N: A short one, but it does set up future events, plus it also gets her Dawnbreaker. Every self-respecting Dragonborn needs a Dawnbreaker. :)

Next chapter is Diplomatic Immunity, and I think you will enjoy it greatly.

What Dragonqueen Elisif needs is her own personal pool of troops to draw from without impacting the security of her hold or the assets of the Legions. Because really, as tactless and totally in character Tullius was, he had a very viable point. He's a General. He needs to be kept aware of what assets he has on hand, and has to maintain a certain level of tactical readiness at all times.

Luckily, shortly after the Embassy, the creation of such a personal pool of troops is doable, once Elisif walks into Sky Haven Temple. I hope to see her in Blades armor and Dragonbane on her hip (easily my favorites, but thats just me.)

But mainly, I really, REALLY want to see Delphine amd Esbern completely screw up by trying to give Elisif orders. As I imagine she'll have the response most of us wish we could give them when they try to pull rank. /Delphine/ restart the Dragonguard? Dragonborn says no. Bitch.

Oh god. One step after Diplomatic Immunity is fun through Riften. Skyrim's wrenched hive of scum and villany. Maven trying to pull something. Corridor fighting the Thalmor in the Ratway. So Cathartic for any Imperial. The fun with lady titan Mjoll.

The Theives Guild. Elisif is certainly smart enough to see the possibilities of taking that over as Guildmaster Queen. Her own Spy Agency? Yes please. The Nightingale ritual really has no hold over the Dragonborn, as no matter how much Noctural may bitch about it, Talos and Akatosh get first dibs on a DB's soul.

Also. Riften means Elisif encounters Brynjolf, Skyrim's most suave bastard. You know he's going to hit on Elisif. Often and hard. Even if she doesn't join the guild. Maybe even MORE if she doesn't, since she may just be playing hard to get, the little minx. Whether or not he pulls it off, I dunno. But if there's anyone in Skyrim that can get in a Jarl's pants, it's Bryn. He wouldn't even mind if it's a rebound lay. And probably say so. To her face. :P

I have to disagree with some of that.

I think Elisif is a bit too righteous to fall into the Thieves guild, and that's not counting the Nocturnal Daedra worship which Elisif wouldn't touch considering her past experiences with the Vaermina cult.

And as much as I love Bryn I hope he doesn't make a play for her! He may be the most charming bastard in Skyrim, but he still isn't an honourable guy and Elisif deserves better (Vilkas or Erandur perhaps?)

Besides which, she just thought of dying and meeting her husband in Sovngarde as a *good* thing...she is in no way ready for a new relationship!

Above commenter has it right - Elisif isn't going to join the Thieves Guild. She is a Jarl after all, and her reaction to the Guild even being a thing is likely to be 'but that's illegal! You can't just take people's stuff!' Definitely not signing up with Nocturnal either. Meridia and Azura, perhaps, but not signing away her soul as a Nightingale. She wants to go to Sovngarde, don't forget!

So yes, apologies for disappointing anyone but there'll be no Thieves Guild questline here - just the main quest, Civil War and a few side quests bolted on. But that's likely to be 25 - 30 chapters on its own, you know!

Brynjolf - I actually have someone else lined up for him as an LI, so he won't be hooking up with Elisif. He might well flirt with her a bit, but he's got his limits and well, she's a grieving widow likely to burst into tears if anyone touches her, he's not going to go for that. I did actually briefly consider the two of them together, but couldn't see it working out and I don't want to break Elisif's heart. Poor girl's suffered enough!

“Yes, yes, Elisif, I agree you need to maintain order in your Hold, I accept that,” Tullius sighed. “And yes, in this case, I agree you needed troops to help you, this Malkoran sounded like a dangerous man. But Lady Elisif, you can't just start commandeering troops when you feel like it. There's forms to complete, a process to follow...”

I can hear this in Tullius' voice, and it's HILARIOUSLY in-character, especially that last sentence. Diplomatic Immunity is possibly my favorite quest in the game, so I can't wait for the next chapter!

Yey Dawnbreaker! Easily the best sword in the game.

Now for the Diplomatic Immunity quest - and we finally find out who Delphine has found to steal stuff from the Thalmor?!?...and I've just realised that question has an obvious answer, it's a member of the Thiefs guild isn't it.

Brynjolf perhaps, or maybe Karliah? And that will setup a follower to accompany Elisif if she has to go to Riften to find Esbern - after all she'll need all the help she can get, that's Stormcloak territory!

Once Elisif find out that she's going to have to run interference with the Theives Guild to get what she needs to save the world, all she needs to do it talk to Mjoll. How many of us wished we could just fist-to-face the Theives Guild like we can the Brotherhood?

Talk to Mjoll, Elisif. You'll have an awesome, entire-warcamp-wrecking friend for life.

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