skyrimkinkmeme | Comment!Fic Page 1 - "Oh, a little bit of this...a little bit of that."

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Welcome to the new Comment!Fic Thread. Some of you may know what this is, and others may not - comment!fics are small one - two comment (the LJ word limit for comments) fills based off of one word or one sentence prompts. All ES games are welcome here, as well as the DLC's. Please don't disclose spoilers for Skyrim's DLCs in your prompt, and if you have them in your fill please place warnings.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

It's poetry time. Submit yer dirty Skyrim limericks, everyone!

Selfish prompt because I'm already having a blast writing them today and I felt the need to post them somewhere:

(on cicero)
There once was a Cheydinhal man
Who Kept his Ma's corpse in a can
A real girl should screw 'im
And folie à deux 'im
Just think what he'd do with his hands!

Two out for a marketplace stroll
One Aerin, the other named Mjoll
The man, DTF
His roman à clef
Would be titled, "Impossible Goal"

There once was a priest named Erandur
Not given to vices or slander
With so moral a stance
Does he even wear pants?
I'd lift up his robes for a gander!

A couple more from me:

There once was a Dunmer named Sero
Who was quite a fine caballero
Though rarely unmasked
Admirers still asked
If he had someone "looting his barrow"

A wizard resided in Mithryn
With no time for fussin' or ditherin'
What knowledge obscene
Might Neloth have seen
With ethics more slithery than Slitheryn

I CAN'T STOP WRITING LIMERICKS, HELP

Oh my gawd the last one just killed me, I died laughing!

Agh I mispelled Slytherin, I'll never live that down.

There once was a drunk named Cosnach
Who lifted his fists to attack
But with the brawling done
This Breton's up for some fun
And who wouldn't want him on his back?

I'll be back for more, OP. This is too entertaining. xD

#Funfact: I'm reading this in to the tune to Disney's Beauty and the Beast's song Gaston, and I think I wee'd a little from laughing.

Anon that commented about how she died laughing just thought of one.
One about the twins

Two handsome twins lay in Jorrvaskr
One dark and brooding,
The other kind, dim and sweet
For nary all woman who'd meet them
Would dream about bedding both twins in tandem,
To do so would be quite a feat!

The story of poor Helgen's fate
Has made lurid gossip of late
While Nirn's fate does teeter
The dreaded World Eater
Put this village first on his plate

Some zombies can shout the Nord thu'um
Disarmed me whenever they blew 'em
The fury of draugr
Exceeds any blogger
And makes the tombs temples of du'um!

Tullius was a clever Imperial
Who rose up the chain managerial
Though always in skirts
He rebuffed Legion flirts
And avoided all problems venereal!

Whoo, I'm glad other people are joining in! :D

OMG THE TULLIUS ONE

*DIES*

Undead laughing anon strikes again. I don't think I can stop! XD

Twas once a Dragonborn named Cock Robin,
Whom was easily aroused
Dick was long, hard and consistently throbbin'
Later on after a "date"
Cock Robin's fate
Was to be a house
For he was loused
With nearly every crab in Skyrim.

Ysolda found she had an attraction
That was problematic,
Previously her tastes in men
Had always been erratic.
'Till she bedded a Khajiit
She found they could not be beat,
For their abilities were rather acrobatic.

Undead laughing anon has just given in to the fact that this is just too much fun to stop anytime soon

Men oft' avoided Maven
For she had as much appeal as a hagraven.
Though she had beauty and power
The men would cowered
For at her behest
A man was once killed
Just for mishandling her breast.

Cicero was hurled
Into our world
Where he learn about skyrimkmeme
Cicero firmly disagreed
With the smut he sees
Soon all of the authors
Were beheaded.

Heimskr masturbates
While he self flagellates
Constantly Muttering 'Talos'
While he think's of her
An' how she'd engross him.

Hahahaha, glad you're having fun :D

Faralda's room was infiltrated
A suthay-raht's avarice sated
But after he plundered
J'zargo then wondered
What's the point of a staff that vibrated?

The Third Era saw Chorrol gaining
A reputation for morals waning
Their master of Speech
Said, "I love to teach,
And my expertise is oral training!"

A rump-loving Dunmer in Narsis
Was having a tawdry catharsis
A man sporting wood
Is all well and good
But such a fine thing that an arse is!

A Khajiit in upper-class garb
Was wooing a girl sous les arbres
The noble cat warns
"You may not mind these thorns,
"But what of a prick with a barb?"

starting to feel like i'm spamming here

I don't even know how I managed to post above this! But I don't think this is spamming I think it's just awesomeness -undead anon

All right, I think this is my last limerick post for a while:

From Riverhold's market to Dune's
A carriage was raided by goons
Two human men squatted
To take what they spotted
The Khajiit cried, "By the Twin Moons!"

A housecarl hooked up with a scholar
Much older and half a head taller
"You're sweet," said Faleen
"But your Dwemer machine
Sure knows how to make a girl holler!"

He runs through the plains and the river
While frost makes his nude body shiver
With barenaked cheeks
He finally speaks:
"Got something I'm s'posed to deliver!"

You've already seen mine, OP, but let's add them to the pile:

A highly-strung Cheydinhal jester
Passed his time watching Mater's corpse fester.
He said with a sigh
As he oiled her thigh,
"If I weren't a good boy, I'd incest 'er!"

In Riften, that thiefly cesspool,
A whore tried to disrobe a fool.
"But Cicero's motley,"
He protested hotly,
"Is the safe for his most precious jewel!"

To spy was the Dragonborn bid.
In the Night Mother's coffin she hid.
The motley Dark Brother
Spilled secrets to Mother.
What-ho when he lifted the lid!

Though the Keeper can make love for hours,
His wandering mind overpowers.
How the Listener grumbles
When, mid-coitus, he mumbles,
"Hmm, need to get Mother some flowers..."

Ahahaha yes!

Comment!Fic Page 1 - "Oh, a little bit of this...a little bit of that."

Dirty Skyrim Limericks

Re: Dirty Skyrim Limericks

Re: Dirty Skyrim Limericks

Re: Dirty Skyrim Limericks

Re: Dirty Skyrim Limericks

Re: Dirty Skyrim Limericks

Re: Dirty Skyrim Limericks

OP again

Re: OP again

Dirty Skyrim Limericks

More Dirty Skyrim Limericks!

Re: More Dirty Skyrim Limericks!

OP again

Re: OP again

OP again

Re: Dirty Skyrim Limericks

Re: Dirty Skyrim Limericks