“No, but you've got a country to run, you've got Eola, Sissel and Lucia, you've got Argis and Lirela in Solitude, and Liriel's not completely lost to you if you sort yourself out,” Borkul said, glaring. “It was Lucia who found you, you know? She didn't know what was wrong, she thought you were ill. Poor girl's terrified. We told Sissel you'd taken some bad potions and weren't well but you were gonna be fine, and she's OK with that, but Lucia saw you, boss. Her ma's gone, you were out of it, the poor girl thought she'd be back on the streets as an orphan again.”
Madanach's anger faded as that realisation hit him. Maybe he genuinely believed himself unworthy of Liriel, but their daughters were another matter – and although Liriel had adopted them first before ever meeting Madanach, as far as he was concerned, they were his daughters now.
“She didn't,” Madanach breathed, horrified.
“She did,” Borkul confirmed, actually pleased at the fear in Madanach's eyes. Good, if anything motivated a man to kick Skooma for good, it was their loved ones. A good sign indeed that Madanach still cared about his kids.
“I have to find her,” Madanach gasped, running for the door. Borkul got up and followed, grinning. Maybe Madanach had had a bit of a lapse... but he'd still held out longer than anyone else who'd been in that mine, and that was without any treatments. There was hope for the man yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucia turned out to be out by the throne room, sitting on the steps of the Mournful Throne, more guards than usual around her. She was wearing Eola's silver wolf torc, which struck Madanach as a bit odd, but if Eola had said yes, he supposed it was fine. He was more worried about his little girl having seen him on Skooma – Dagon's balls, had Sanguine gone by that point?? He hoped so, and Borkul hadn't said anything about anyone seeing him entwined with a big Dremora. Good, Madanach had enough problems right now, such as calming his daughter down, calming his court down, getting back to work and trying to work out how to get his hands on more Skooma without Nepos finding out – no. Stop that, right there, he didn't need Skooma, even if it did make him feel warm and safe and loved and summoned Sanguine back...
No. No, definitely not thinking about any of that, not with Lucia crying out and running over, clinging on to him and terrified, and dear gods he was the worst father ever.
“Lucia,” Madanach said softly, kneeling down to hold her. “Gods, Lucia, are you all right?”
Tearful shake of the head and Madanach held her tighter. Poor girl, the poor girl, she looked awful.
“Cariad,” Madanach breathed, kissing her forehead and holding on to her, and this was worse, worse than the potions they'd force-fed him, worse than all the physical unpleasantness of the Skooma being purged out of him. Little Lucia scared and terrified and it was his fault. Probably a good thing Liriel was gone, the girls could go with her and be cared for by a competent parent who wasn't a Skooma addict.
I'm a Skooma addict, aren't I? All that time hoping he'd dodged the arrow, inventing creative punishments for anyone stupid enough to deal in the poison in his kingdom, searching the Khajiit traders every time they arrived to make sure they only had raw moon sugar and not the distilled variety, using Restoration magic to stop the shakes, burying himself in work, getting Keirine to come to Druadach within days of escaping to get the Skooma they had with them dealt with, relying on jenever and Liriel and thoughts and fantasies of Liriel to occupy his downtime with... and it hadn't changed a thing. One more thing to blame the Nords for, landing him with this.
“Daddy, are you all right?” Lucia whispered, clinging on to him. “Eola said you'd taken something bad, that you weren't well...”
“I'm not,” said Madanach quietly, still feeling nauseous and sore and hungry and exhausted on top of the guilt and self-loathing. “But I will be... I think. Lucia, I'm sorry, so so sorry, you should never have had to see me like that. It's been over a year, well over a year since I last had any, not since I was inside... you know I was in prison once, right?”
Re: Thicker Than Blood 8.9
Madanach's anger faded as that realisation hit him. Maybe he genuinely believed himself unworthy of Liriel, but their daughters were another matter – and although Liriel had adopted them first before ever meeting Madanach, as far as he was concerned, they were his daughters now.
“She didn't,” Madanach breathed, horrified.
“She did,” Borkul confirmed, actually pleased at the fear in Madanach's eyes. Good, if anything motivated a man to kick Skooma for good, it was their loved ones. A good sign indeed that Madanach still cared about his kids.
“I have to find her,” Madanach gasped, running for the door. Borkul got up and followed, grinning. Maybe Madanach had had a bit of a lapse... but he'd still held out longer than anyone else who'd been in that mine, and that was without any treatments. There was hope for the man yet.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Lucia turned out to be out by the throne room, sitting on the steps of the Mournful Throne, more guards than usual around her. She was wearing Eola's silver wolf torc, which struck Madanach as a bit odd, but if Eola had said yes, he supposed it was fine. He was more worried about his little girl having seen him on Skooma – Dagon's balls, had Sanguine gone by that point?? He hoped so, and Borkul hadn't said anything about anyone seeing him entwined with a big Dremora. Good, Madanach had enough problems right now, such as calming his daughter down, calming his court down, getting back to work and trying to work out how to get his hands on more Skooma without Nepos finding out – no. Stop that, right there, he didn't need Skooma, even if it did make him feel warm and safe and loved and summoned Sanguine back...
No. No, definitely not thinking about any of that, not with Lucia crying out and running over, clinging on to him and terrified, and dear gods he was the worst father ever.
“Lucia,” Madanach said softly, kneeling down to hold her. “Gods, Lucia, are you all right?”
Tearful shake of the head and Madanach held her tighter. Poor girl, the poor girl, she looked awful.
“Cariad,” Madanach breathed, kissing her forehead and holding on to her, and this was worse, worse than the potions they'd force-fed him, worse than all the physical unpleasantness of the Skooma being purged out of him. Little Lucia scared and terrified and it was his fault. Probably a good thing Liriel was gone, the girls could go with her and be cared for by a competent parent who wasn't a Skooma addict.
I'm a Skooma addict, aren't I? All that time hoping he'd dodged the arrow, inventing creative punishments for anyone stupid enough to deal in the poison in his kingdom, searching the Khajiit traders every time they arrived to make sure they only had raw moon sugar and not the distilled variety, using Restoration magic to stop the shakes, burying himself in work, getting Keirine to come to Druadach within days of escaping to get the Skooma they had with them dealt with, relying on jenever and Liriel and thoughts and fantasies of Liriel to occupy his downtime with... and it hadn't changed a thing. One more thing to blame the Nords for, landing him with this.
“Daddy, are you all right?” Lucia whispered, clinging on to him. “Eola said you'd taken something bad, that you weren't well...”
“I'm not,” said Madanach quietly, still feeling nauseous and sore and hungry and exhausted on top of the guilt and self-loathing. “But I will be... I think. Lucia, I'm sorry, so so sorry, you should never have had to see me like that. It's been over a year, well over a year since I last had any, not since I was inside... you know I was in prison once, right?”