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Skyrim Page 5 - "NAKED! Naked naked naked "

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So, the title might be a little strange. But what really annoyed me at the peace council (besides the fact that just about everyone present were acting like petty squabbling children.) was the fact that the DB has to choose who to cede land to and then hear either side whine when he/she doesn't favor them. So I want a story where the council comes to pass and DB doesn't give a shit about the war and who wins it. He/she just wants them to stop fucking slaughtering eachother for a set period of time so he/she can get the dragon and get to Alduin.

Bonus points: If he/she kicks out Elenwen because if there is one thing they can agree on it's that the Thalmor need to be driven out.
If he/she goes on a rant that manages to chastise both sides as he/she explains why he/she won't support either group.
If said rant also includes telling off either Arngeir or Delphine.

Gender and race can be whatever anon likes though I think it would be more interesting with a non-human DB.
I might do a self-fill of this eventually. But other fills are still welcome. I just really hated everyone's attitudes during that entire damn conference. Can you tell?

Finals week is over and I have two poor neglected little fills but I do so want to do this with Lendri.

OP here! I would very much like to see what you've got in mind ^_^

Lendri and Ria loitered on the steps of High Hrothgar. They were waiting for the warring leaders of Skyrim, but things were taking a while, and they had grown bored.

"Think if we yelled they could hear us down there?" Lendri was peering over the edge of the cliff, looking at the nobles making their way up the mountain. Ulfric and Galmar seemed to be competing, with Balgruuf trailing behind. Further behind even than him was Tullius, with Elisif the Fair in a palanquin.

"Let's find out," Ria said. "Nice tits!" She yelled.

The figures below looked up, but at this distance, it was difficult to tell their expressions. Tullius seemed to be glaring, however.

Lendri laughed and gave the general a cheery wave. "Look at Tullius, looking up here wondering if you meant his tits."

"We'll lay whoever gets up here first!" Ria hollered, then lowered her voice."Encourage them with a striptease, Lendri."

"No!"

"Oh come on! You didn't mind doing it with me and Vilkas."

"It's a lot warmer in Jorrvaskr."

"At least yell something! You're the Dragonborn, that's what you do."

"Not as often as you might think. And I kind of need them to take me seriously."

He moved back from the edge, and Ria followed. He went back to the steps and sat down. It wasn't going to be easy, convincing them to stop fighting, but it had to be done. Lendri tried not to dwell on the possiblity of failure, because it put him in a grim mood. Thinking about finding and killing Alduin was bad enough, but it was best to take these kind of problems one at a time.
A shower of snow hit him then. He looked up to see Ria a few yards off, preparing a second snowball. He grinned.

"Oh, now you've gone and started a fight you can't win."

*

Ulfric could hear the shouting and laughter before he could actually see what was going on. When he turned the corner, a pretty Breton and an elf--one of the short chatty ones--were hurling insults and handfuls of snow at eachother. The elf looked familiar. Lendriniel, he'd said his name was.

"So it's you. I was hoping the rumors weren't true, but it seems like they are."

The capricious elf had briefly worked with him against the Thalmor, but drifted away as soon as he discovered enough information on their whereabouts to work on his own. Ulfric had sent Ralof along to keep and eye on him, and the man had returned one day saying Lendri had disappeared in the night leaving only a short letter behind:

'I don't need the help of the Stormcloaks any longer. Ralof, you're handsome and everything, but you're also kind of a spy for your Jarl and when I'm sneaking you're just too loud! I am being sincere when I say you're as loud as a mammoth. Goodbye and good luck getting back home in one piece.

Lendri

Someone with so little dedication wasn't the kind of person you wanted at a council deciding the fate of Skyrim.

"Jarl Ulfric! There's no polite way to say I was never planning on seeing you again, is there? But I wasn't actively planning against it, so I guess that's something."

"Well, he's the first one up here," The Breton said. "What are you waiting for? Fuck him, Lendri."

Lendri shied away immediately. "Noooo. You can start."

Ria folded her arms. "I was hoping to watch and then join in a little later."

"Well, what about a compromise? Say perhaps we could just have a go at eachother and skip over the Jarl parts. Or even save him for later?"

Ria smiled. "And you were worrying about not knowing anything about negotiations."

At that moment, Galmar and Balgruuf arrived. "I leave you for one damn minute," Galmar growled, panting, "And you're getting into a threesome with the Dragonborn."

Ulfric scowled. He found both Lendri and the Breton far too irreverent. Galmar joining their joke wasn't helping. A Jarl is above joining this kind of conversation, he thought. He turned and looked out over the mountains at the beautiful land spread out before him. Enduring a little ribaldry was a miniscule price to pay be here and make sure it stayed in safe hands. A few years ago, before the Thalmor, and if he hadn't been a Jarl...he would've been joking right alongside them.

*

It took a while, but eventually everyone was assembled in the council room. Lendri was studying the cracks in the stonework, trying to ignore the tension in the air. Tullius and Ulfric were sizing eachother up across the table. Delphine and Esbern lurked on the far side of the room, looking like they wanted something out of him. Lendri didn't like either of them--when they weren't making demands they were being snide or obtuse, respectively.
He was noticing that one of the cracks was shaped a little like a bird when an Altmer woman entered the room, wearing the black and gold robes of a Thalmor. She was from the party, and he sighed. It seemed this was just a day for meeting people he hadn't ever planned to meet again.

"I will not tolerate the presence of that Thalmor bitch," Ulfric said, before anyone could speak, and Lendri thought he detected a hint of fear in the man's eyes.

"She is a member of our delegation," Tullius said. "In order for this council to proceed, you will have to tolerate her. Act like a Jarl instead of a warlord for once."

"We don't really need her here," Rikke said. "If it will help things move along, I fully support having her wait outside."

"We will never get anywhere like this," Arngier interjected sternly. "Perhaps the Dragonborn, as the neutral party, should give an opinion."

Ulfric and Tullius turned to him, looking angry, and Elenwen's eyes fell on him for the first time. "Oh, it's you. So we meet again. Only now I know what you really are. I always thought it was odd they had put someone like you on the guest list."

It was amazing how insulting she mad the simple word 'you' sound. He grinned. "You're still mad I crashed your little party?"

"You see, they have history," Tullius said. "He's not a neutral party here."

"Don't say we 'have history' it sounds so..." Lendri shook his head in disgust. "Look, she doesn't need to be here! This isn't about the Thalmor. I don't like her, the Stormcloaks don't like her, and let's be honest, even you don't really like her." He turned to Elenwen. "You should probably go."

She stared at him a moment, two spots of red burning on her high cheekbones while her lips thinned with barely contained anger and embarrassment. But then she smiled. "You've got cunning, you've shown that well enough. And now, a certain...arrogance. It's almost charming. But some arrogance is a good thing. You are a mer, after all. Why do you throw in your lot with these humans? With your abilities, you could grow powerful among the ranks of the Thalmor."

Lendri almost said something rude but remembered the surroundings. "I want no part of your dominion. I don't like being ordered around."

"That's quite enough," Arngier said. "It's clear you could both argue for quite a while if left unchecked. The decision has been made. Elenwen, leave the council room. We will now proceed with the negotiations."

As soon as she was gone, Ulfric spoke. "Markarth and the Reach must be returned to the Stormcloaks. This I ask before we agree to any terms."

"Unbelievable," Elisif said. "This is a peace treaty, not a time to make demands regarding the war you started."

"Allow me to take control of the Negotiations, Jarl Elisif," Tullius said. "But in part, I agree with her. You're making this demand here because you've been unable to capture Markarth in outright battle."

It was disheartening, to say the least. It felt very...petty. He waited for a lull in the conversation. It took more bravery than he expected to speak up. Back talking Elenwen came naturally, but there was a lot more at stake here than taking jabs at a Thalmor.

"All of you, shut up and listen." Ulfric looked disdainful and Tullius looked impatient, so Lendri continued before anyone could object. "Alduin is a bigger problem than any of this, really, and I know to you all this seems important, but you need to stop getting so wrapped up in your own petty concerns. Who gets what frozen wilderness doesn't mean anything, in comparison. I mean, if Alduin isn't killed that's it, there won't be anything left to fight over even! He's the World Eater, not 'He Who Makes Civil Wars Inconvenient'."

At first no one spoke. "He speaks sense," Rikke said at last.

"Even if he speaks it a little senselessly," Galmar agreed grudgingly.

Balgruuf cleared his throat. "It still stands that I can't have a dragon on my porch when my city could be attacked at any moment."

"But it won't be, though," Lendri said hastily, because both Tullius and Ulfric had opened their mouths. "It won't. Look. No one's getting anything out of this. We're not here to arrange territories, see? I just want you both to promise not to attack Whiterun during the next week."

They looked at each other, doubtfully.

"Neither of you can save Skyrim if you don't exist."

This sealed it for Ulfric. He lifted his chin proudly. "I at least can put down my sword when that much is at stake. On my honor I will not make any move against Whiterun during the next week. This I swear with Talos as my witness. And I do not make such an oath lightly, elf."

"If Ulfric will stand down for now, the Empire can do no less. I too agree to a temporary peace regarding Whiterun hold," Tullius said. "But at the slightest sign of--"

"Then we're set," Lendri said, before Tullius could start a new argument. "We can all get back to our lives and hopefully never see each other again."

With a lot of shuffling and glaring, everyone cleared out of the room. "You've got backbone, I'll give you that," Galmar said. "Wouldn't think it to look at you."

"That's supposed to be a compliment? You basically just said I look like a pushover."

"Well, you don't exactly look threatening." Galmar was looking amused.

"Looking threatening isn't really that important, but try telling that to the man with a bear on his head."

"Don't waste any more time on this elf, Galmar. We will spend this week forming stratagems." Ulfric said, brushing past them, keeping his eyes focused on the door instead of on Elenwen, who still lingered in the front hall. Galmar gave Lendri a warning look and followed.

Once the warring factions were gone, Lendri thought the worst was over, and he was looking forward to leaving the mountain. But after he'd learned the name of Ohdahving, Delphine approached.

"We need to discuss something."

"What?"

"Paarthunax."

"Is that what you and the Greybeards were arguing about earlier?"

"None of your business. You're the only one who can kill dragons, so it's your duty to go up there and kill that dragon."

"No."

"As Blades, Esbern and I can no longer help you unless you kill Paarthunax. He was just as destructive and cruel as Alduin himself. We of course will work with you until the World Eater is dead, but after that--"

"Fine. I never liked either of you."

"That's it? 'Fine'? You're not even giving it a moment's thought?"

"Damn straight. I don't kill my friends just because someone asks me to! And Parthunaxx is my friend. You and Esbern were just these two people who I had to put up and run around for because you had information I needed."

"Now you're making it sound like--"

"I'm not 'making it sound like' anything. It's the truth. You had me risk my damn life fighting a dragon and we ran into Alduin just so you could confirm something I thought was already apparent and then you had me dress up like a bleeding idiot and party among Thalmor, which was dangerous because I killed them a lot in the past, when I could've damn well just sneaked in without all the cloak and dagger hogwash with your whiny little contact!"

Delphine was taken aback. In all their time together Lendri had occasionally sniped back at her sharper comments but had generally taken everything with what seemed like quiet resignation. Lendri left before she could reply.
Ria was waiting in the main entry hall, with Arngeir, who was standing by the door to see them off.

"I'm surprised at what you've accomplished here," he said. "I expected a trading of territories. But this way, you've avoided really changing the course of the war. It's probably for the best."

"No thanks to you, standing there being ineffectual when they'd listen to you in a heart beat, you being an old Nord and all."

"You know it's not in the nature of the Graybeards to interfere in the doings of the outside world."

"But we already were having the council! You have to have conviction. What you did today was the equivalent of standing with one foot outside the door because you're not sure that you want to go adventuring!"

"Speaking from experience?" Ria put in, and it almost looked like Arngier smiled under his beard.

Lendri sighed. "Let's just go."

It was decidedly awkward passing by the Stormcloaks and Imperials on the way down the mountain.

*

Later that evening, they sat at the inn in Ivarstead. Not far outside town, Ulfric and Tullius were camped on opposite sides of the field, which had caused minor panic among the villagers, who had thought war was about to break out at any moment.

"Gods I was so nasty to them," Lendri said, half laughing in embarrassment. "They probably wouldn't have listened any other way but a part of me feels like I should apologize."

Ria sipped her mead. "Why? It got the job done and every one of them benefited from being taken down a notch."

"Most of the time I don't just yell at people. But being on mountains...the air is so thin, and it makes my head hurt. It makes things so that I don't have any patience."

"So, how else would you have done it? This would have been you. 'Can I say something? I want you all to stop killing for a little while, I know it's a lot to ask but, I mean, just consider it, okay? For the world? Thank you.' And they would have laughed."

"I'm not that shy."

"You can't live your life always trying to spare everyone's feelings. Sometimes you have to say what you mean. Remember what you said to Arngier about conviction? You're going to need that to kill Alduin. So maybe you should remember to be mean once in a while."

He didn't.

Passerby anon wants to tell you that she loves how you write Ria and that this story made her laugh a lot.

This was a fun fill to read ^_^ thank you for taking the time to write it.

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