skyrimkinkmeme: (dragon)
skyrimkinkmeme ([personal profile] skyrimkinkmeme) wrote2011-10-29 12:36 pm

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A different type of Dwemer machinery. 3b / 3

(Anonymous) 2013-06-01 06:22 pm (UTC)(link)
Aela was starting to worry and decided to go in after Kathryn. She had been navigating through the ruins for about thirty minutes when she heard it. The awful high-pitched scream reverberated through the halls.
"Kathryn! Kathryn I'm coming!"
Aela picked up the pace, sprinting towards the source of the noise. There was something weird about her companion's scream. It sounded almost.. Pleasurable? No, it couldn't be. Aela pushed the thought to the back of her mind and raced through the labyrinth.
"Kathryn, where are you?"
She burst around a corner and skidded to a halt, horrified by what she saw. Kathryn's limp body was suspended in the air by four arms, completely naked and with a large metal cock sliding inside her. What in tamriel was going on? Aela had seen Kathryn naked many times while changing, she was her 'follower' after all. They even slept together once to conserve heat in the wastelands near Winterhold, but nothing romantic. Although Aela had to admit, she saw the appeal and understood how she could easily bed the biggest, most handsome of men that other women would have thought out of their league. She was stunning.
"Kathryn?"
The exhausted body raised her head slowly.
"Aela..? Oh Aela! Help me out of here!"
She ran over to her and cut through the four metal arms with her blade. With nothing supporting her Kathryn slid further down the Dwemer phallus, causing another moan to escape her. Aela put her arms around her and lifted her up, off the machine and gently lowered her to the floor.
"Here, drink this. You look exhausted"
Kathryn recognised the green phial of a stamina potion and downed it. Instantly she felt her energy returning. Together, they got Kathryn dressed as she explained what had happened.
"By the nine. You must be traumatised! Promise me you'll never tell me to 'wait here' again."
"Okay, I promise"
"Good, then let's get you home"

Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-01 06:26 pm (UTC)(link)
I hope you all like my first ever fill!! I have never wrote before but I loved the prompt so much I thought I'd give it a go.
As I said, constructive criticism is welcome.
Please tell me what you did / didn't like for next time.
Thank you all for reading!

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-02 12:08 am (UTC)(link)
It was pretty alright for it being your first fill. The "juicy" parts were a bit fast for my tastes, but y'know whatever. I didn't really enjoy Kathryn as a character, she was really flat and didn't have real distinct personality to her, the way she described herself was very arrogant, very out of place, and the fact that her many scars didn't detract from her beauty reminded me of a Mary Sue. I realize Skyrim is a bit of a rough terrain and if you can't lift up a sword, you're pretty much dead, but still a lot of scars can be distracting to a lover, or a turn on if they're into that. I realize this meant to be an erotic story, but that doesn't mean you can't have well-written plot or characters along with your smut. So you should definitely work on your characters, because I would find that more appealing. And I'm sure I am not the only person who would think so. You have a bit of an issue with grammar and such, because you didn't capitalize quite a few words, and I find that distracting because I'm writer myself. So you may want to get an editor or a beta-reader, so you can get feedback before you submit your stories. So I recommend: try to make the smutty parts longer and more detailed, work on your character's personalities, and work on your grammar. So that's about it, but overall it was pretty okay. It wasn't the greatest I've read, of course, but maybe I'll be reading more of your fills in the future. Have a nice day!

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-02 08:48 am (UTC)(link)
A!A here.
Thanks for the advice.
I fully understand that the smut was a bit short. I read over it again fully once it was posted and realised this myself. It seemed longer when I was writing it :/ I shall work on this for next time.
The characters personalities: Yeah, I see where you're coming from. Re-reading it with your comment in mind I can see that I didn't even mention her personality. Oops.. What is a 'Mary Sue'? I looked it up and from what I understand it is a character that is too perfect? Is that what you meant?
Finally, the grammar. I missed tha capital N in Nord and I wasn't sure if dwarven had a capital 'D'? Is that it or is there more that I didn't realise..
Thanks again for helping me along here. Hopefully my writing will improve into more enjoyable stories for you guys :)

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-02 11:07 pm (UTC)(link)
I enjoyed the fill, but as you asked for constructive criticism I will offer some.

I would like to echo the other Anon's suggestion that you invest more in your character's personality.

In this fic Kathryn did pretty much what any player character does, but you didn't really give us what she was thinking, or her sense of humour or honour or what she was feeling. I get that the fill is a) a one-shot and b) your first, so I'm recommending this as something to bear in mind for future fics. Because I don't know what's going through her mind bar the basics I find it hard to figure out how to relate or empathise or engage with her emotionally as a reader, if that makes sense.

As for the smut I really can't offer any advice other than to lose any inhibitions you may have, and let it last as long as you like (no pun intended). Smut is the part of writing I have the most trouble with (seriously, I go red as a beetroot once my DB starts taking of her armour).
Kathryn does jump from orgasm 1 to orgasm 5 to 10 a bit quicker than I'd have expected, (and I kind of hoped there would be more of her discomfort or being wrung out), but then the Dwemer were freakin' geniuses when it came to technology, so it's forgivable :P

Aela seemed to have been better fleshed out than Kathryn, which is both a positive and a negative, as I would rather know about your DB more than her companion (especially as we see more of K than A), but it's good to see their history and rapport together. You did that very well, IMO.

The part about yelling "stop in the old language" was quite the tease, but because it was irrelevant to the action (Aela just using her sword to cut Kathryn loose) made it stick out like a sore thumb. I don't think it's necessary, unless Kathryn's going to take up lessons in the Dwemer tongue, if you know what I mean :)

I really did enjoy the fic, and I hope you gain lots of confidence to continue working on fills, with Kathryn or other DB characters, as you get better and better :)

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-03 03:18 pm (UTC)(link)
Hey, thanks for the advice.

I was planning on having Aela use that to stop the machine but couldn't find the actual word for stop anywhere and didn't want to get it wrong or make it up to have someone come and correct me so I thought I would just leave it in there.. :L
I understand that I didn't really mention Kat's character and I'll be sure to work on that for next time

I agree about the smut. It's hard to write and I therefore had trouble making it last very long, but I also found it a lot of fun!

Thanks for all the complements mixed in as well! The first reply didn't and it kind of knocked my confidence and made me not want to write anymore but your post has made me feel much better, so thanks! I'll look for another prompt to practice on :)


Anon again

(Anonymous) 2013-06-04 07:05 pm (UTC)(link)
I really did like your fic Anon, and I hope you do continue writing. Like anything else, writing only improves with practice and repetition. Keep it up and you'll be a great writer - you've got potential, you just need to work on it.

Finding a beta reader might be a good idea, that way you'll get feedback and advice on grammar, spelling generally, and if the reader is within the fandom they'll be able to offer advice on keeping things in-character. It always pays to have another person cast their eye over something, just for tweaking and finishing touches, anyway. (Although I'm one to talk, never use one myself^^)

I get where you're coming from with leaving the Dwemer instruction in - I've done the same with my fics, realising after I've posted that some bits didn't need to be in there. I usually edit it when I'm reposting de-anon on my fic journal.

The best thing about smut is that everyone's tastes are different, and if you write what you find sexy, you'll find plenty of people who find the same thing sexy, too - but getting past the inhibitions can be tricky. Again, the more you do it the easier it gets :D

I really hope you write more fics with Kathryn, maybe just write a little character piece (for yourself) so you know what she's like, and if you're writing another fic with her you'll know how she'd think/act/react in whatever situation she's in.

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-03 01:56 am (UTC)(link)
Hey A!A,

Don't you worry I liked your first fill too! I'm sure we all remember our very first fill, our very first smut and it's hard! I think you did a good job on your first and you got some good comments to work with on improving and I really hope you do continue writing. I hate critisizing to be honest, cause I always feel kinda mean and I don't find my own writing all that great so who am I to critisize another's work... but I know how valuable it can be so I'll try giving you something to work with :)

Try to be a part of your story, live it as you write it. It'll make it easier to give more detail and draw things out. Let go of whatever inhibitions you may have and write that smut. Try going into detail, what do they do and feel, the sounds they make. In the case of your fill you could for example have explained more the things the DB felt, did the dwemer-phallus hit the right spot? How deep did it go? Did it alternate speeds? And how did the DB feel throughout this? What where her thoughts? Those are things readers (or at least me) like to read about, it gives the story more depth.

Character development is difficult in a oneshot but you can use little things as thoughts or remarks. They can project the image that your character is for example humorous, snarky, kind or evil. I liked how you put in a little memory of her last time having sex, it gives her a little more background, they help in developing your character.

Personally I would take the comments you've been given and expand on this story, make it better. I think that's the easiest way to learn a bit more before moving on to your next. But it's all up to you of course :) I wish you all the best in your writing endeavours, and please don't stop writing!

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-03 03:27 pm (UTC)(link)
Thanks for the advice! I'll try to consider these things the next time I write. Your suggestion and tips seem like they could make fleshing out both the personality and the smut a lot easier.

I may try using these comment to improve this fill like you said, it seems like a good idea to me :) If so, should I re-post them here, or as a new thing altogether?

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-03 06:41 pm (UTC)(link)
I'm glad you think you can work with it, hopefully we'll see you grow :) That's the beauty of a place like this, you can practice and if asked people will tell you what they think and help you along :)

If you're going to repost I think, since it's technically still a fill for this prompt you should do it here and add something to the title like - redone - or something along those lines so that we know it's from the same author and not someone trying to steal your work :)

Unless you end up rewriting it so that it no longer fills the prompt, then it's best posted as an entirely new story :)

Goodluck!

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-03 09:39 pm (UTC)(link)
Okay, thanks for the advice. I've got a big exam coming up and will be revising for that but once it's over I will probably try again. Thanks again. A!A

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-03 09:36 pm (UTC)(link)
Also, thanks for being kind! It's a real confidence boost and it's people like you that make me want to try again!! :D

Re: Author's notes

(Anonymous) 2013-06-03 11:39 pm (UTC)(link)
You're most welcome A!A! I'm so glad you still want to continue writing, nobody should be discouraged to do something they enjoy. I for one look forward to your next work!